How To Get Over a Bad Breakup and Let Go of The Resentment
I always default to what I can do that will make me better, and that I will never regret having done – and it always comes down to being the best at what I can do.
When someone didn’t treat you the way you deserve, how do you pick yourself up, let go of the bitterness, and keep going forward as your best self?
Whether you’re wondering how to get over a breakup or how to move on from a bad job where you gave it your all and life slapped you in the face, this question that one of the members in my Dreamers and Doers Coaching Program and Community sent over might fully resonate.
This split-up and breakup advice is especially helpful for idealist personality types – ENFP, INFP, INFJ, and ENFJ, who have the best intentions giving their all in their dating and relationships and might end up bitter and heartbroken when not reciprocated.
Getting over a breakup or dissolution of a business partnership in this case can be a nightmare!
I won’t share my client’s name here because it relates to her job now, but here is her full question:
“How do I let go of old resentment from my previous job? I was overworked, underpaid, and underrecognized for my efforts for 3 and a half years.
I left because there was no way around this. But instead of getting on with my life, I hold on to this resentment and keep thinking about this a**holes and getting really angry at the way I was treated.
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This, of course, is filtering into my new job because I’m afraid to give my everything under the assumption that these people will do the same to me.
I feel like this is holding me back and now I’m struggling to get things done.”
So in the video above I’m answering this question on how to really keep giving it your all if maybe you’ve been slapped in the face by life at some point.
When I received this question, I couldn’t help but think of the parallel to romantic relationships.
As a male ENFP (Campaigner) in love, I am asked sometimes by friends why there is very little jealousy in my own relationship.
Anyone who’s been to the Dreams Around The World events in Mexico, Spain, or in Prague knows that my wonderful girlfriend Gabby, who is an ENFJ (so-called Protagonist type), likes to party and at times goes out and parties with her friends to all hours of the night and my friends asked me: “How are you not jealous about that?”
While we can argue that this might be due to our high ENFP and ENFJ Myers Briggs Type Compatibility, I’d like to share a thought exercise that I went through many years ago. You too can go through this exercise if you’ve been hurt in a past relationship or perhaps by a past employer – and I think most of us can say we’ve had something like that go on before, right?
These are the situations where we really gave ourselves to someone or an organization and we weren’t treated the way we think we should have been, so we’re ultimately left feeling bitter, feeling like we gave a part of ourselves to something or someone – and we’ve lost it.
What happens in the aftermath is that in your next relationship or at a new job you might hold back. You might be thinking something like:
Well, maybe I can’t trust this person. Maybe this new employer will be crummy and treat me badly, so let’s hold back and let’s half-ass everything.
Moving On After a Breakup & Foundation of Healthy Relationships
We don’t want to risk someone hurting us again.
But…what if this prevents us in fully moving on after a breakup and ever loving again?
We can either hold back, not be our best selves because of fear of not being treated well for it or again go out of our way to be the best partner or employee we can be to try to make the best possible relationship or business partnership.
Ultimately, we’re making this choice of:
Do we give all of ourselves to something?
Do we work extra hard? Do we push ourselves?
Do we trust that person?
We’re faced with all these kinds of difficult decisions.
So how do we go over this fear? How do we move on after a breakup?
It can be extremely hard to get over some of that and think like: Wait, but I’m giving all this to them!
I am going to challenge you to change the way you’re thinking about it by focusing on yourself, your self-empowerment, and what you can actively change.
This way of thinking will change how you approach things and allow you to give more of yourself, but ultimately also to make more of yourself and to grow as a person.
Watch the video above to learn about this thinking exercise going through the two options, two essential choices you have in this break-up situation, and how you can use them to make the best of it and avoid self-sabotage.
These breakup tips can be also very useful if you’re trying to help someone else get over a breakup and a broken heart.
Prefer listening? Check Dreams Around The World Podcast for the audio version of this and some more Podcast special episodes on ENFP, INFP, INFJ, and ENFJ jobs, dating, and relationship advice.
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