ENFPs, 5 Skills You Must Master
“Developing these five skills will allow you to become truly unstoppable.”
In this post you are going to learn five essential skills every single ENFP should master.
If you are an ENFP, you have unlimited potential.
I’m talking some serious ability to become a badass.
But along the way, you’re going to have to develop some skills to allow you to do that.
And these five skills here are some of the most important and there are also skills that, well…important to just about anyone to develop on some level.
If you develop them as an ENFP, you can become truly unstoppable.
Have you ever been out with someone who can just tell a captivating story, the whole table is sitting around listening to them for 5-10-20 minutes as they recant some experience years ago in some faraway exotic land or even just how they went to the grocery store the day before?
And somehow everyone is paying attention to them.
The ability to tell a great story is an essential skill as an ENFP because – one, we’re pretty good at it naturally, so if you fine tune it, hone in that skill, you can be incredible at it.
The other thing is, sometimes in our minds, we’re going a little too fast for ourselves, we’re thinking out loud and so there are ENFPs I’ve met where when they’re attempting to tell a story, it kind of more sounds like:
And everyone’s like: “Okay, some Ritalin for this guy.”
Telling a great story is an amazing way to bring people into your world, to build rapport, to build connection.
It’s really good if you’re out with someone who’s perhaps a little more shy, or you’re with a group that isn’t the most conversational.
If you’re able to tell a good story, you’re able to open up and connect with those people and keep those people entertained, rather than turning to them and asking them a bunch of questions…and they’re like: “Hey, I’m introverted. I don’t want to answer these questions right now. I don’t even know you!”
2. Social Acuity
Now, one part of being a great storyteller is the second skill that the ENFP should really work on developing, which is social acuity – the ability to read the people around you and just get a sense of a room.
Social acuity is one of the ENFP superpowers. We can naturally read a room better than most people.
But developing this even further is where the superpower aspect really comes in.
Naturally, we’re pretty good. But we’re still not fine-tuned, it’s like you’ve got a gun.
So while we are actually pretty good at reading people and reading the room, by default we can definitely miss some details.
Sometimes maybe we talked a little too much, or we overcrowd the situation, so those that are a little more shy or sitting back, kind of observing, we don’t bring them into the conversation.
And this ties back to storytelling.
If you’re with a small group of people, part of telling a really good story is observing the people and noticing kind of who’s reacting and bringing people into the story and all that as you go.
So just learning to pick up on those little details. Practicing that.
Particularly around people who perhaps are a little more shy or reserved, and noticing where they’re at when you’re communicating with them and not overwhelming them with our awesome ENFPness, but maybe sitting back and being able to bring them into the fold as well.
I know what you might be saying: ENFPs – we can never be disciplined.
And…that is a lot of hogwash.
What I’ve actually found is that when ENFPs commit to something, we can be some of the most disciplined people.
When we turn something we want to do into part of our code, part of us and say: I am not going to do X, Y, or Z – something a bit extreme, we do it very well.
Where other people tend to falter and go back, if we make an extreme decision, I have found that ENFPs follow through and make it happen.
We can be extremely disciplined when we develop that ability and when we use our discipline in a way that really jives with our personality.
So we’re actually committing to be disciplined in a way that’s going to work for us rather than trying to follow some ISTJ discipline system, which is never going to work out very well.
By default, ENFPs are not people who reflect too much on the past.
We look to the future. We like to create. We like to connect. We like to have a good time.
But sometimes this means that we forget about ourselves.
And it also means that we have a tendency to repeat patterns more than some other types might.
This is something that, as we develop, as we mature, we can definitely overcome.
We get better at looking at our past mistakes and not repeating them.
But it’s something I would really encourage you to work on, as well as your general self-awareness.
If you catch yourself feeling really off one day, pay attention to that. Maybe don’t try to force something that you would otherwise do.
Or maybe you catch yourself repeating patterns where you step back and say:
“Wait a minute, didn’t I do the same thing in my last relationship, and my relationship before that, and the seven before that?”
And then maybe you want to analyze yourself a little bit differently and make some changes.
Overall, just pay attention to self-awareness, reflecting on your past, reflecting on your behavior, and building a bit better of a radar to notice your own patterns.
5. Follow through and Communications
This is tied in with discipline. But it’s quite a different thing.
What I mean by this is, when you’re dealing with other people, and you commit to something, following through or communicating with them that you won’t be following through or when you will be following through is so, so important.
I learned this the hard way, like three dozen times.
Remember, number four – self-awareness, I did not have that and I repeated this pattern so many times.
My old boss a decade ago now hammered this into me. And I’m sure he was the most frustrated man on the planet at the time, because something would come up, I’d be dealing with our company clients, and I get behind on something. And what I would do is I go in my head, and I think like:
“Okay, I’m gonna get this done tomorrow, I’ll just get up early. And then I’ll email them. And they won’t mind that I said I would get it to them today.”
And, you know, maybe come up with some kind of excuse, of course…everyone can tell their excuses.
But when you’re 24, you don’t realize that and, you know, that was my plan.
The reality is, when you don’t communicate with someone when you say you were going to do, it looks really, really bad.
And why I know this is a problem for more ENFPs than just myself is – I email with hundreds of you guys. And of all the types that I work with ENFPs are by far the most likely to say:
“Hey, I want to work together, let’s do this!” or “Hey, I’m going to send you this tomorrow.”
And then I don’t hear from them.
Normally, I would just stop communicating with that person.
But what I’ve learned is that the ENFP is on the other side, and now they’re like: “Oh, no, I said I would communicate. I said I would be in contact, but I haven’t been in contact, and now it is more awkward.”
So now, what I do is just ignore the fact that they didn’t communicate when they said they would, and kind of, keep in touch.
But my point is those that tend to come back a week, a month later and be like:
“Hey, sorry, I wasn’t in touch, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…” and all that sort of stuff.
What I do for this is, if I am going to be able to follow through and do what I said I would – I do it. And that’s where the discipline comes back in.
So number one is, if you can just do the thing you said you were going to do, that is the best.
But if you can’t, then just send a quick note:
“Hey, sorry, not going to have this to you today. I’m a bit behind. I’ll get it to you by Tuesday.”
What I found some ENFPs do is they over promise as a way to put pressure on themselves to get it done.
But then they don’t do it and it becomes this habitual pattern. Don’t do that. It destroys your credibility with people.
So follow through when you say you will or, if not, just communicate one sentence to people.
“Hey, sorry, I said I was going to do this. I’m not. Sorry.”
Boom. All done.
So now let me know in the comments below which of the skills you would like me to make a separate post on, diving deeper into how to develop it.
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