ENFPs and Stress: How to stay calm and move forward

“When you feel like you don’t have ANY control, it’s important to regain your focus.”
Dan Johnston

ENFPs and Stress: A question from a fellow ENFP

Today I’m answering a question from Tim, an ENFP. He sent me a question and he’s hit a bit of a rough patch. He says his debt is out of control. He’s barely paying the bills and even just got a ticket from the police. That sucks.

He’s asking, essentially, what are some things an ENFP can do to calm himself down? This is a very good question. My answer may surprise you, I’m not going to talk about meditation or medical marijuana when it comes to calming yourself down, but rather to refocus.

You need a goal and direction – this is really important, really, for everyone, but especially true of ENFPs. We are so all over the map with possibilities, if we don’t have a clear destination, we are going to go to bad places.

Right now it sounds like you have a lot of overwhelm, you just said that your debt is being out of control, which means you don’t feel that you have any control, you don’t feel like you have a destination or anything you’re moving towards.

In that state, you’re going to struggle to make any kind of change, more than likely you’re going to get into more and more debt because it feels like you have no hope anyhow. There’s no end to this tunnel.

The first thing to do is to come to grips with where you’re at, I would recommend writing down your situation, look at those bank accounts, those debt numbers and figure out okay, what is it I owe? What is my situation? What am I earning, etc. and then come up with a plan, you might want to work with a friend or some kind of professional on this.

Although when it comes to debt management, I know there’s a lot of sleazy professionals. So be careful on that side of things. But come up with some kind of a plan, maybe it’s a plan, getting a second job, maybe it’s a plan with some kind of refinancing of debt. Because when you have a plan, you’re going to be able to apply all that intelligence you have all that creativity you have, and you’re going to find solutions you’re going to get there, you’re going to overcome the obstacles and you’re going to have a lot more energy.

I can tell you when I’ve been in difficult situations before and felt overwhelmed and uncertain, not knowing really what to do – as soon as I was able to sit down, accept where I was and then create a plan to move forward, as soon as I was able to do that I was able to move forward.

I also found that my energy levels changed. Even though my situation still sucked, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I was like, “Okay, here’s what I’m working on, here’s my mission..” I’m someone who needs a mission, I need a destination to be moving towards, and when there is that It’s really easier, much easier to move forward because I have a clear goal.

ENFPs need to have a plan

What you really need to focus on is having that plan and where you want to move towards. Now even with a new plan, you’re probably not going to make as much progress towards it if you find yourself in an angry or frustrated state all the time. So the next part of this is learning to control your state, which in many cases comes down to controlling your focus.

If part of your plan is to earn more money and then use that to help pay off your debt, then focus on the money part. Keep your mentality there, keep focusing on the money and tell yourself, “Hey, I work extra hours, I’ve taken up the second job, I’ve started a side business…” Focus on that for the majority of the time, and when you do find your mind slipping into thinking of these situations, these people, whatever it is that makes you angry or triggers you, remind yourself to say, “Hey, that’s not where I’m going to focus on, I’m going to focus on what I’m moving toward!”, and keep practicing redirecting your focus.

The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Because if you allow your focus to slip, and be on those situations that make you mad, you’re going to get angry, you’re not going to be able to work and build your business or start a second job or do whatever, because you’re going to be in this really negative state.

So do whatever you need to do take a whole day and go through and organize your email, your mail, your app notification, whatever it is to allow you to spend 95% of your time, not angry, not frustrated, not really worried focusing on what you’re moving towards, and that’s going to be really, really important. You’re obviously in a rough situation. It’s not a great place to be, but when you come up with a plan to get out of it, and then you just stay focused on that plan and taking action.

You’ll find that even though your situation is basically the same, your overall attitude and energy are going to be drastically different.

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